Reflection: Does Being Content Mean I Am Settling?
In our “Finding Peace Through Contentment” series, we kicked off our journey by tackling a big question: Does being content truly mean that we’re settling? We explored the societal pressures of chasing more and the definitions of content and settling. Now, after spending some time reflecting on this, here are my thoughts.
As you read, please enjoy some film photography taken by my wife from our recent trip to Kanazawa, Japan.
Two Sides of the Same Coin
Kanazawa 21st Century Museum of Contemporary Art
As part of my reflection, I journaled all my thoughts on this topic. What struck me was a surprising realization: being content and settling might actually be two sides of the same coin. Without one, it seemed impossible to attain the other. To settle in your position, you’d need to feel content (to some degree). And if you are truly content with where you are, you’ve likely either settled there already or will naturally do so. Both states also seemed to lead down a path of peace. To me, it’s not yet clear if that peace is attained as you go down the path or at the end of the road.
Even though both seemed to result in a similar outcome, I kept wondering why settling felt more negative to me. Was it something I personally heard growing up, or is it a common view shared amongst Americans, especially since we are sold the idea of “The American Dream”? Either way, I decided to challenge my own perspective and view settling in a more positive light.
I Settled, And I Found Peace
D.T. Suzuki Museum
If content and settling truly have similar definitions—and if content means finding peaceful happiness, as explored in our last post—then settling could also lead to the same peaceful happiness. With this in mind, I started looking at some of my past decisions, especially those where I might have thought I was “settling”.
One clear example for me is in my career. I used to work in a very demanding consulting job where I regularly worked 60 to 80 hours per week. About three years ago, I decided to leave this job for a new one. It offered better work-life balance, but would not provide me with as many career growth opportunities. At the time, I felt the move was necessary to avoid more burnout from the long hours, but I also felt a lot of guilt. It felt like I was being lazy by not striving for the next promotion or the higher salary everyone else seemed to be chasing.
Eventually, over these last three years, I realized that career growth wasn’t all that important to me—or at least it was no longer as important as it used to be. Looking back on that decision now, I stopped viewing it as “settling” in the negative sense. Instead, I see it as a re-prioritization—a conscious choice where I valued time spent with family, friends, and loved ones over time progressing my career.
But now, I’m starting to understand that maybe it’s okay to say I did settle. That’s because the decision I made three years ago has led me down a path to attaining peace. By shifting my perspective on settling, I feel less guilt about that choice. The change in my mindset is still a work in progress and the guilt didn’t suddenly vanish. Yet, because of this shift, I’ve been able to feel far more grateful for the opportunities outside of my career that this decision has unlocked for me.
The Art of Enough
Sway Coffee Roasters—by Kenroku-en Garden
Just like with so many things in life the difference between being content and settling seems to come down to our own perspective. How we see each state or action seems to dictate whether it feels positive or negative. Based on this, I’m starting to realize that the conclusion I’m reaching really depends on each person’s unique situation. But my least favorite response to give to a question is: it depends. So, let me try to avoid that as I close this out.
I’ve realized that it’s likely that there’s an aspect of our lives that we need to be content with and settle in. Similar to my experience with my career, we have to make hard decisions at times to give up something (my career growth) to attain something (time with family and friends). And what helps us make these tough choices—what allows us to prioritize—is being content with settling in certain areas of our lives. For me, what ultimately allowed me to find this contentment was understanding when I truly had enough and no longer needed to chase more.
This realization of contentment might come to each of us differently—and that’s where your own circumstances come into play. But I believe that having an understanding of what enough means to us, and what’s truly important, is something we can all universally strive for.
The Next Step
Through this reflection, we explored whether being content means that we are settling. As a result, I was able to discover my true definition of content and settling—and how each seems to resemble the other. This reflection has allowed me to take another small step to choosing moments over matter, but it has also led me to many more questions that are difficult to answer:
How do I become content with what I have?
How do I resist the pressure to chase more?
Are there detrimental effects to being content?
These are all questions that we will continue to explore as part of the “Finding Peace Through Contentment” series. Answering these questions won’t get any easier, but I hope this question and reflection has helped you discover something new about your life. At the very least, it has helped me understand why it’s important to keep choosing moments over matter.
What did you discover through your reflection on being content or settling? Feel free to share them in the comments below or reach out to me directly here.
And with that, see you on the other side—Enzo